I was listening to a book about tidying and de-cluterring earlier today. And I got to thinking about a time in my life when my space was completely clean. I remember when I was a kid I used to get into these frenzies where I would go through my entire room and clear out everything I didn’t want any more. Things would go in the trash or in a box I titled “memories” and stored in the family storage. My room would be so clean and everything would be in its place. I would lie down and just relish the feeling that came at that point. I’ve been calling it “freeing” but that really doesn’t describe it. It’s freeing only because I wouldn’t have to do it anymore. The physical clutter wasn’t cluttering my mental energy and I could devote time, energy, and space to things I loved and enjoyed and wanted. I heard the word GRACE mentioned and that is the word I’m loving right now. I’m not sure if I mean living in grace or living with grace or having the feeling of grace. I’ll ponder that some more. But GRACE is definitely the word of the moment. I want GRACE.
Anyway, those thoughts got me thinking about my current life and when in the more recent past have I felt this grace. I thought about a few weeks ago when my drawers and closets were half full. My floorspace clear. It was wonderful. But then we brought in a few boxes that were in the garage and I went through those boxes. While I got rid of a lot of things from those boxes and that cleared my life and was very freeing (don’t get me wrong), the clothes I didn’t get rid of are now in a big bag next to my drawers and in a pile of clothes on the closet floor. I realized today that I’ve been avoiding those parts of my room. It’s been on a to do list to go through them but I haven’t done it. Partly because of time and partly (probably more so) because I am feeling anxiety about it. I really just need to go through them all once and for all.